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a man who knows he has a lot to offer yet holds back

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


i logged in coz starting this day my lover and i are giving our relationship a breathing period. We had an argument which was about the same old shit. And he told me that he's tired from our situation and that he surrenders. I don't know if he meant it. I hope he doesn't mean it at all. So, what could I do but to disagree so weakly. In the end, I had to accept his decision that we'd take space away from each other. He wants us to detach from each other and think over whatever we need to think over. However, as we continued on with our negotiations, we both ended up discussing the cause of our difference. It narrowed down some items. However, the conflicts were not solved. Now, as of 12:50 a.m. I think I am back to being single. I don't know if it was a "cool off" period he wanted or a total break up. I think it was the first. Nonetheless, I am considerable single coz of the absence of an emotional connection with my beloved. Although my situation is quite worth the drama, I would like to apologize ahead. In my chronicles, I am not going to share sensitive details about our conflict. I would only be projecting my emotional struggles and experiences during that specific day.
Now, I begin.


Opening up to my co-worker/friend-of-my-beloved was a good decision that I made. She was the one who comforted me when I was all down and gloomy. The new place was a good place coz it provided me with the right venue to release my misery. It was raining so hard and my heart was drowning so fast. I cried.
I just want to pose my predictions on what would happen during this silent mode between us. We would end up broken apart... He would find his solace and I would probably become miserable. I could also see that during the silent mode, he would realize that he doesn't really love me at all... that he regrets why he entered into such an affair, and now he has to face this problem on how to let go of me without hurting my feelings. He would realize that he is now open to everyone and could entertain anyone and would end up finding the person he thinks would be right for him. And I would end up alone and confused.
My friend warned me before to take care of our relationship...coz it would hurt when the time would come that we'd separate.
Now, we are on our way towards a break up. I know for sure. I could no longer be positive about its outcome coz I know for a fact that there would be an opportunity that would knock our guards down and would intrude our thoughts which would lead us farther away from each other.
I am so frightened. I do not want to lose him... I love him.

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